I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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