I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
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My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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