Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
