it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
