So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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