So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Nicole vs. Life
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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