I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
