Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he thought i was a dude.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
