The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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