mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
