she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
