Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
