is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
