Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
