SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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