i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
True college students do jello shots in the library
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