I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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