If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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