Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
