I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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