It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
