eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
