I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
