i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I understand Curling. That high.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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