There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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