I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
