I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
