i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
