he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
