It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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