i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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