Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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