New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
