Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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