Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.

Fav 18 4472 892
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(303): View more from Colorado

You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat

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(619): View more from California

Be still, my beating vagina.

Fav 22 4817 1443
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating

Fav 10 2325 829
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(828): View more from North Carolina

You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.

Fav 3 1169 691
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(310): View more from California

Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night

Fav 1 818 545
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(908): View more from New Jersey

so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand

Fav 0 34 2
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

...ew

Fav 0 57 26
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