Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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