i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
