Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
