Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
