two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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