Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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