I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
