stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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