then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
