I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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