Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize