When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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