Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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