My Higher Power is John Stamos
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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