I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
