fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
