She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
