We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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