U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
