I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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