I feel like abortions should bother me more
you traded sex for a burrito?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize