When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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