i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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