Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
