We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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