It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
