i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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