I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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