dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
