why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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