I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
