we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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