You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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