my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
