Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
